another solitary moment

i'm just sitting in my car waiting for my girl. i feel lonely solitary and like i am the only yellow leaf in a tree of fresh green ones. i feel like it is not my time it is not my place. this is not where i am supposed to be this is not the time i am supposed to be doing what i am doing. i need to be at another place with other people. i need to be with people who understand me who can criticize me who can admire me . i am with people i feel alienated to. i am feeling like the martians in the movie 'mars attacks' who cant understand a thing about earth and so attack it. i am not in the attacking mode yet but lets see how long i can follow gandhian methods. i am desperate to go to my hostel my place of peace and zenith. the place where i can be who i am, the place which does not ask me questions or desire answers from me the place accepts me and it receives me with love it cares for me and i take care of it. i feel as if my hostel has life and is alive. i feel as if it knows what i think and it has thoughts of its own. that is one place i miss like shit. the place has a magical charm of its own. i miss my hostel maybe because i have become institutionalized. yes that is it now i know why i miss it so much.